What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of feminism? I'm willing to bet that the last thing you think of when it comes to feminism is marriage. After all, feminism is all about women's rights. It represents freedom from stifling, traditional things like marriage and family. Obviously, feminism has nothing to do with men!
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Below, 28 solid reasons to fall in love with someone who recognizes that feminism benefits both women and men.
- Feminism is a range of social movements , political movements , and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.
- I have good news and bad news for you about what I have learned, as a year-old undergraduate, about the state of gender and equality on the college campuses of America.
- When Kelly Makino was a little girl, she loved to go orienteering—to explore the wilderness near her rural Pennsylvania home, finding her way back with a compass and a map—and the future she imagined for herself was equally adventuresome.
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- The internet has created a free and private space for women to enjoy adult material.
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of feminism? I'm willing to bet that the last thing you think of when it comes to feminism is marriage.
After all, feminism is all about women's rights. It represents freedom from stifling, traditional things like marriage and family. Obviously, feminism has nothing to do with men! In fact, men should be very scared of it. According to the ever-wise and all-knowing Fox News, it will definitely ruin all the men in our great nation, transforming them to "weeps and wussies.
I mean, we just can't have women being all strong and independent and stuff. That's just no good for anyone. Or is it? There's a growing host of evidence out there that feminism scary as that word may be actually benefits lots of people. Even children. Even men. On the surface, some people point to the rising divorce rate and the increase in cohabiting couples to say that feminism has destroyed the institution of marriage. However, if we look more deeply at the issue, we can see that men's lives have improved as a result of the feminist movement in every possible way, including more time with their children and fewer discriminatory laws.
And let's not forget better sex. So can feminism really benefit relationships? Or even marriage? Many would say no. Some feminists have expressed the belief that marriage is an outdated institution which only benefits men , and therefore completely at odds with feminism in every way.
Is it possible for a feminist to have a happy marriage? Despite the opinions to the contrary, I would say yes. Although I consider myself a liberal feminist, I have been happily married for the last eight years. I'm sure you're wondering, "How is this even possible?
Promise you won't tell anyone. And by this I don't just mean faithful to your spouse. I mean faithful to yourself. When Nick and I first began living together, I used to enjoy cooking a meal for us every now and then. After we had been married for a year, I had slipped into the habit of cooking dinner every night, unless we went out to eat.
Nick innocently believed that I still enjoyed this task. For a very long time, I allowed him to persist in this charming delusion, even though deep inside I feared that I might be turning into my mother. I told myself that it was no big deal, but the truth was, resentment was gathering force like a hurricane. It finally all came to a head after a really long day at work when I came home to find that I had forgotten to defrost the steak.
These two trivial occurrences triggered a screaming match. Well, I guess you couldn't really call it a "match" since I was doing most of the screaming.
With no shortage of profanity, I let it be known that my husband was a parasite on the backside of humanity whose laziness had transformed me into exactly the kind of subservient doormat that I'd always despised. As you can imagine, it took us a while to get over that one. But after some discussion and profuse apologies , the result was a more equitable system of sharing this domestic task.
Ironically, I had thought it would improve my relationship with Nick to hide my true feelings about our domestic habits. I felt that my resentment was a small price to pay to make him happy. In fact, the very opposite was true.
In this article, expert blogger Elizabeth Stone writes, "By not being your authentic self, ironically you're threatening the exact relationship you were afraid would end if you spoke up.
It's only fair to make a serious effort to communicate whatever is bothering you to your partner directly. This includes picking out a time and place where your message is likely to be heard by them accurately. You should not already be distracted or screaming at each other about something else. If you choose not to express yourself until they understand who you really are and what you want, the responsibility is yours. If you clearly tell them and they don't change their behavior or negotiate with you, then fine, it makes sense then to lovingly choose to accept it or leave the relationship.
But it's downright cruel to drop the bomb on someone who loves you because you chose not to tell them about this critical need of yours they never knew existed and subsequently could never meet. In a nutshell: You can't expect your partner to meet your needs if he has no idea what they are. We fight the battle between our ears.
Until Nick casually mentioned that Patrice was back in town. Ah, Patrice. Golden-haired, goddess-like Patrice who resembled a Victoria's Secret model. When we first met, the empty holes in stories of his relationship to Patrice left my imagination running riot. I really messed that one up. She was really beautiful, but man, I was stupid. And now here she was. To his credit, he didn't try to hide anything. And he gave me that look. The one which always melts my heart, no matter how mad I am.
The truth is, Nick and I each had a difficult past. I had the baggage from my parents' very dysfunctional marriage. Nick had the comparatively small carry-on of his long-ago fling with Patrice.
But was it really necessary for us to hold that baggage over the other person's head for eternity, like some kind of ransom note? If so, I was doomed. We both were. The short answer is, we did not go out to dinner with Patrice. Here's the thing that every happy-ever-after love story conveniently leaves out: sometimes there will be storms. And not the pretty, picturesque, romantic kind. The loud, scary, dangerous kind that make you wish you could be anywhere but there.
For us, a storm came with the unexpected loss of Nick's father early in our marriage. Following that tragedy, Nick was plunged in deep depression. I tried everything I could to fix the problem. Pep talks, self-help book suggestions, top-notch oral sex. But my frustration grew as I realized that none of these measures were going to fix the problem.
What Nick needed was simply my presence. He needed me there in the storm with him, just waiting for it to pass. Storms are scary when they are happening and sometimes you're afraid you or your marriage might not make it out alive. But coming through a storm together is very rewarding and will make your marriage much stronger in the long run. We truly respect each other. It goes without saying that the birth of our first child resulted in some new routines and some re-negotiating.
Getting up at 6 AM, especially after your sleep has been interrupted numerous times, is something that no one appreciates.
It's important to note here that Nick and I are united in our mutual loathing of mornings. This was no big deal before a child entered our lives, but now things are different. Obviously, leaving our infant son to his own devices while both parents sleep in is not an option. For a while, both of us were getting up at 6 AM, leaving us both grouchy and resentful.
That didn't seem like a great option either. Now we honor each other's need to get some extra sleep by taking turns with the early morning shift. There is the occasional morning when Mason demands that Mommy or Daddy needs to get up too, because why stop at one when you can have both. Everyone needs a time-out every once in a while, and this truly makes us better parents and partners. We're our husband's best PR agent. I'm Nick's biggest fan.
I might even call myself his publicist. I know, I know. You're about to ask, "What kind of feminist are you, anyway? At its most basic level, feminism is really about empowerment and equality for everyone, not just women. And so, in a happy feminist relationship, we uplift each other. Nick is the first person on my PR team, too. He is the first person to point out if I look nice when I come into the living room, dressed for work.
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The Feminist Wife | Commonweal Magazine
For any woman who is a proud feminist, as I grew up, the decision to get married may not be an easy one. For a long time, I was focused on bettering my life and pretty much only worrying about what I wanted to accomplish with it. Until I fell in love. For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship that I felt was a true partnership with a person who supported me no matter what, who truly loved me, and who believed in feminism and equality as much as I do.
But despite our strong partnership, I still had a lot of conflicting feelings about walking down the aisle. What wedding traditions did I want to partake in as a feminist? Should I change my last name even though it feels like such a crucial part of my identity as a Latina? Two weeks and a day later, and this remains one of my favorite shots from the day. In fact, we got engaged in a feminist way: By talking about out future and deciding that we both wanted to get married to each other.
There was no surprise proposal or diamond ring, but instead we made a practical, yet romantic decision to spend the rest of our lives together. So why was I still afraid of losing my feminist identity after we tied the knot? I think that, no matter how much of a feminist I am, I still have a very strong pull to take care of other people. In fact, as my husband has recently been pointing out, I am much more comfortable taking care of the needs of others than my own. My Latina upbringing taught me that cleaning up after others, making dinner, and never putting myself first was the way to go.
I have to actively stop myself from thinking about someone else and remind myself that self-care is just as important as caring for others. After all, equality should be about being equals, and being equal means that sometimes he helps out more, and sometimes I help out more.
As I continued to struggle with the question of being a married feminist, I posed it to a few friends and one of them summed things up perfectly:. I think it means whatever you want it to mean.
You are in an equal partnership. You split the work and both support and build up each other. If you take on more of the traditionally feminine roles, like cooking, do so because you want to and enjoy it, and enjoy supporting him in this role, and not because someone is telling you that is what you should do. And if he wants to take on those roles too, great! Like I said, equal partnership. If you are in a feminist marriage, and I would describe mine as such, then you know that being equal partners is what it is all about.
For example, my husband makes more money than I do and will likely continue to do so just based on the nature of our jobs. As with anything in a relationship, sometimes you have to compromise.
Sometimes the emotional, mental, and physical labor of keeping a marriage and household working fall more on me because my husband has an important project to finish for work.
Sometimes it all falls on him because I have a particularly tough chapter to write for my memoir, so he kicks me out of the house on the weekend so that I can go focus in my local coffee shop and tells me not to worry about anything other than getting my writing done.
At the end of the day, what makes one a feminist is their belief in the equality of the sexes and what reinforces that belief is that women now have the ability to choose their own paths in life. You can choose to get married, or not get married. You can choose to change your last name, or keep your birth name.
But all in all, you can choose to have a relationship that is full of love, support, and a fairly equal division of labor. Oh, and one that encourages your feminist ideals of course. Prev post Next post. This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms. View this post on Instagram. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.